Burdens

Over the past few weeks I have been realising again the magnitude of what I'm embarking on. God has been reminding me of His call for me to speak for justice, to love the poor & outcast of society, to share His hope with people whose lives are full of hardship and striving. This is my unescapable destiny for the next season of my life. And I'm excited. But it comes at a cost. I will miss my family and friends here. I will no longer naturally 'fit in'. Living cross-culturally is hard work. I will face situations which devastate & frustrate me. Which push me to what I think are my limits and beyond. I will have to lean on God for strength, as in my own strength I would fail. There will be times when I will sit at the top of the local prayer mountain weeping and crying out to Jesus for people who are dying of AIDS in a tin shack, or children who have no family left. These are the burdens I am carrying.

Here are the lyrics of a song I have on repeat a lot of the time at the moment:

I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But Your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
And I can't let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
With so many battles left unfought
I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind
It all can overwhelm me
But when I think of all who've gone before and lived a faithful life
Their courage compels me

And when I'm weary and overwrought
With so many battles left unfought
I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
I see the shepherd Moses in the Paraohs court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord
And when the saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

I see the long quiet walk along the underground railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul
I see the young missionary and the angry spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear
I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sister standing by the dying man's side
I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come kicking down that door
I see the man of sorrow and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

And when the saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

(Sara Groves, When the Saints, from the album Tell Me What You Know)

Indeed, when I think of all those who have gone before me, I do take courage from their lives. I know that my God is faithful. I will not shrink away from His call for me, no matter how hard or costly. I know that when I'm weak and overwhelmed, He will fight for me.